The script of romantic love has crumbled along with the dating system. We want it to work as before, for men and women to easily pair up and fall in love, but in the technotimes, it won’t be like that – says Tomasz Szlendak, a sociologist and author of the book “Love Does Not Exist”.
Estera Flieger
In his book “Love Does Not Exist,” Prof. Tomasz Szlendak presents the changing roles, expectations, and chances of both sexes in the matrimonial market. – A significant portion of men are left stranded. Their chances are decreasing – the sociologist tells “Rzeczpospolita”.
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How the script of romantic love crumbled along with the dating system
– The world has changed. The cultural, social, and economic circumstances that lead to women and men increasingly missing each other in the matrimonial market are different. Literally, too – they spend time in completely different places. Furthermore, the script of romantic love has crumbled along with the dating system. We want it to function as it did before, but in the technotimes, it won’t – says Prof. Szlendak.
Społeczeństwo Aplikacje randkowe. Przekleństwo czy dobrodziejstwo?
Online dating has changed significantly since Tinder was introduced eleven years ago. It is now commonplace.
In his latest book, the sociologist explains that for most people, romantic love is not what binds them permanently, but rather a certain social pleasure. – Some of us do not encounter love. We face a future where love will be an experience for a smaller group of people – he tells “Rzeczpospolita”.
A single woman is not lonely because she is surrounded by friends. Singles are lonelier
However, the belief still prevails in society that romantic love is the only remedy for loneliness. And this – according to Prof. Szlendak – leads to catastrophe. – Decades ago, when asked who their best friend was, Polish men used to answer: their wife. In the romantic love script popularized by culture, phenomena such as friendship, intimacy, and desire are combined. Today, they are splitting apart. The absence of romantic love or a relationship based on it – especially for women – is equated with loneliness. This is not true. A single woman, assuming heterosexuality, is not lonely because she is surrounded by friends. Men are in a more difficult situation – if they don’t have a partner, they usually lack friends as well. Singles are lonelier than single women. This refers to men pushed out of the matrimonial market who, most often, have no one.
– The script of romantic love has collapsed, which means people have enormous trouble forming couples. That is why children are not being born. All the tools that politicians have used to change this have failed.
The full version of the interview with prof. Tomasz Szlendak is available here.